the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
