i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
