you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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