and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
