dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
