I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize