So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
