In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
