Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
