Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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