Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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