I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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