Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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