Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
