i jhust puked up my retainher.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
