I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
