Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
