last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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