I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.