I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.