we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just crazy horny about you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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