This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
