You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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