Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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