It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
