I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
