hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
