I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
