Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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