If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
