I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
