He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize