He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
