You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
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You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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