conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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