i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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