Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It was confusing and full of hummus
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
