Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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