I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry about my life...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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