just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
