Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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