hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
