nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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