3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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