Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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