yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
