Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
