Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
