his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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