the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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