Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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