you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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