i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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