At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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