You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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