I skipped work to stalk him.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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