we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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