Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
