Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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