I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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