Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
