The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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