Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
